Inadequacy: “lacking the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task”

Honestly, this is how I feel nearly every day: inadequate as a father, deficient, lacking… Inadequate to understand the mind of Jaden:  Asperger’s Syndrome, connecting with him, relating to him, answering the thousands of questions he asks on a daily basis (literally), redirecting him so that he can focus on a particular task…  Inadequate to understand Jonah: his daily bouts with depression, anger, sadness, being overwhelmed by emotions, shutting down, shutting me out.  Inadequate to lead my family through such struggles.

The children God has entrusted to us daily face issues that I have never personally encountered, intense, relationally altering, biologically confusing, emotionally devastating issues; however, for them, this is normality.  This has become my daily exercise in weakness, “‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) I am in the daily crucible of God, where He is forming me in Christlikeness, exposing my deepest fears, breaking me apart, tearing down all my expectations of “family”, rebuilding me, reforming me, transforming me.

I’ve met fathers who seem to have parenting all wrapped up in a box with a pretty bow tied around the exterior; I used to be one of them – parenting was almost formulaic: x + y = happy obedient children. Now I recognize that parenting is based upon solid Biblical principles that are indeed true, practical, and applicable; however, Scripture was not intended to cover every conceivable situation. There are some things about which Scripture is silent. There is grace in these areas, grace to fail, grace to struggle, grace to experience frustration, inadequacy, and the power of God, the strength that can only be found in weakness.

There are aspects to the character of God and the teachings of Christ (“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them”) that I would not comprehend without our children. When we adopted them, we had no concept of what God had in store. Though I am certain God gave them to us for their sake, I am now convinced that God entrusted them to us for our sake. Daily I cry out to God and remind him of how inadequate I am for the task. Daily He reminds me that He is adequate for the task. He gave them to us so that the power of Christ may reside within us. Our children are precious, a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:4-5). We have the privilege to love, mentor, enjoy, and struggle through this with them.